BDSM Resources for New and Experienced Kinksters

An intro and guide to BDSM resources.

What is BDSM?

BDSM is a sexual subculture and term that involves sexual practices and activities such as Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and SadoMasochism. These activities often involve the use of restraints, such as ropes or handcuffs, as well as sensory deprivation, role-playing, and pain or punishment as a means of achieving sexual pleasure.

BDSM can be a consensual and enjoyable activity for many people, but it is important to establish clear boundaries and communicate openly with your partner to ensure everyone’s safety and enjoyment.

Some common misperceptions about BDSM include that it is abusive, violent, or non-consensual, that it is only practiced by a small, marginalized group of people, and that it is only about pain and power dynamics.

In reality, BDSM is a consensual activity that can be an enjoyable and fulfilling part of a healthy sex life for many people. It can also involve a wide range of activities, from role-playing and sensory play to bondage and impact play. Additionally, BDSM can be a way for people to explore their sexuality, build trust and intimacy with their partner, and challenge their own boundaries and limitations.

BDSM vs kink

Being kinky and being into BDSM are similar, but they are not exactly the same thing.

Kink is a general term for any non-mainstream sexual activity or interest, while BDSM is a specific type of kink that involves activities such as bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism.

So, while all BDSM practices are considered to be kink, not all kinks are BDSM. For example, someone who enjoys BDSM would be considered to be kinky, but someone who has a fetish for a specific object or body part may not necessarily engage in BDSM activities.

Kink vs fetish

A fetish and a kink are similar, but they are not exactly the same thing.

A fetish is a sexual attraction to a specific object or body part, such as shoes or feet. A kink is a general term for any non-mainstream sexual activity or interest, such as BDSM or role-playing.

While all fetishes are considered to be kinks, not all kinks are fetishes. For example, someone who has a shoe fetish would be considered to have a kink, but someone who enjoys BDSM or role-playing may not necessarily have a fetish for a specific object or body part.

Related Read: What is a foot fetish?

Protect yourself and your rights

For a sense of well-being and support, you may also want to become familiar with the larger BDSM community in your area and online. The BDSM community can offer supportive and accepting spaces for individuals who have non-mainstream sexual preferences or practices. It can also provide a sense of belonging and community for BDSM practitioners, who may face stigma or discrimination in other areas of their lives.

If you or your sexual partner has a disability, you may want to read a post from Disabled Sex Guide that shares specific BDSM resources on practicing BDSM with a disability,

Additionally, the BDSM community can advocate for the rights and acceptance of BDSM practitioners and can work to reduce stigma and discrimination against BDSM in society.

If you are involved in the scene and considering going deeper into the lifestyle, it’s also good to know how to protect yourself. That is, protect your boundaries, your physical and mental health, as well as your civil rights.

The following BDSM resources are materials or organizations that provide information, support, or guidance to individuals who are interested in or practice BDSM. They share various educational BDSM resources, such as books, articles, workshops, or classes, that provide information on BDSM practices, safety, and consent.

The National Coalition of Sexual Freedom

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) is a US-based advocacy organization that aims to protect the sexual freedom and privacy rights of consenting adults. The organization was founded in 1997 and is run by a board of directors consisting of volunteers from various walks of life, including BDSM and kink community members, attorneys, and mental health professionals.

NCSF works to advance the rights of BDSM, kink, and polyamorous individuals and communities by providing BDSM resources, education, and support. The organization offers a variety of programs and services, including:

• Incident Response: NCSF offers a 24-hour hotline to provide assistance to people who have experienced discrimination or persecution due to their sexual preferences.
• Education and Outreach: NCSF offers workshops, seminars, and events to educate people about BDSM, kink, and other alternative sexual practices.
• Legal Advocacy: NCSF provides legal support and assistance to individuals and groups who have been targeted by law enforcement or government agencies because of their sexual practices.
• Community Support: NCSF offers support groups and counseling services to help individuals and families cope with issues related to alternative sexual practices.

Overall, NCSF works to promote awareness and understanding of alternative sexual practices and to defend the rights of those who engage in them.

Related Read: Adult Chat Sites I Love for Kinky Sexting

Kink-aware professionals

Being “kink aware” means having an understanding and acceptance of diverse sexual practices and preferences, including those that fall outside of traditional or conventional norms. This can include an awareness of the various forms of BDSM, as well as other sexual activities and identities that may be considered “kinky” or non-mainstream. Kink awareness also involves being open-minded and non-judgmental towards others’ sexual preferences and practices and being willing to learn and respect people’s boundaries and consent.

Kink-aware professionals are individuals who have received training or education in order to be knowledgeable and sensitive to the needs of clients or patients who have non-mainstream sexual preferences or practices. This can include therapists, doctors, lawyers, and other professionals who work with clients who may be part of the BDSM or other kink communities. Kink-aware professionals are able to provide support and understanding to these individuals and can help them to address any challenges or concerns they may have related to their sexuality. They are also able to offer education and information about healthy and consensual BDSM practices and can help to destigmatize and normalize kink within society.

Although times are a-changin’ with BDSM seeping into popular culture, kinksters remain at risk for discrimination that can seriously affect professional and family lives (Wright, 2018) So when looking for support, it’s critical to find trustworthy and well-informed individuals. 

That’s why the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) has created a directory of “kink-aware professionals.” This list of user-submitted names features people working in the legal, medical, and health fields, among others, who call themselves knowledgeable about BDSM and diverse forms of sexual expression (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, 2019). 

Professionals are included from all over the world but most are based in the United States or Canada (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, 2019). 

The kink-aware professionals’ directory is at this link: https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/search-kap

Do your own research

Be advised that the directory is not screened or verified by NCSF. Consider it a potential starting point for finding the right professional for you. Carry out research of your own by searching out a professional’s name online. If they are working in healthcare or law, you may also be able to call to confirm whether they are accredited (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, 2019). 

Questioning ‘kink-aware’

Keep in mind, there are no criteria for professionals such as therapists if they want to make sure they work responsibly with clients who practice BDSM (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2006). 

People who call themselves “kink-aware” may, in fact, be sex-positive and sensitive to various sexual practices. But that doesn’t mean they automatically hold the specialized knowledge to offer appropriate help to you and your specific needs (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2006). 

Some self-proclaimed  “kink-aware” therapists were also been called out for “trolling for BDSM clients” and “lacking boundaries,” according to a 2006 study that surveyed BDSM practitioners (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser). 

Again, make sure you do your research before seeing someone you may be giving vulnerable information and access. 

Arm your arsenal with facts

Knowing the latest accurate information about kink can be empowering and help you avoid unsuitable professionals. 

While scientific research is debunking myths that people who practice BDSM are “abnormal” or “pathological” (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2006; Leung, 2016), negative views about kinksters still persist in the minds of some healthcare professionals (Kolmes, Stock, & Moser, 2006) and the public at large.

In fact, the numbers show being kinky is far from unusual. More than 5 million Americans (about 3%) engage in some form of BDSM on a regular basis, and 20% of adults report being turned on by BDSM erotica or stories (Castleman, 2012). In 2016, a survey of Quebec residents revealed one-third of respondents had explored some form of kinky sex act or fetish. In total, 50% reported wanting to experience one (Leung, 2016). 

Kinksters may actually be more psychologically well-adjusted than their vanilla counterparts. A 2013 study of both BDSM practitioners and a control group found the former were more extroverted, less neurotic, more open to new experiences, had higher subjective well-being, and were more rejection sensitive (Wismeijer & Assen, 2013).

Travel-friendly sex toys

Yes, you can travel with vibrators. In general, it is legal to travel with sex toys, as long as they are intended for personal use and are not being transported for the purpose of sale or distribution. However, it is important to check the laws and regulations of the specific country or region you are traveling to, as some places may have restrictions on the import or possession of sex toys. Additionally, some airlines or other forms of transportation may have their own policies regarding the carriage of sex toys, so it is a good idea to check with them beforehand.

When traveling with sex toys and kinky gear, especially by plane, make sure to follow airline rules and international laws as you packing your luggage. That way you’ll keep your favorite toys safe and avoid unnecessary hassle as you travel while kinky. 

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) offers an overview of the relevant regulations and procedures kinksters need to know. The organization first released the three-page document in 2011, citing concern about heightened security measures (Traveling with toys, 2011). 

Sex toys are not banned, not explicitly. But if you play with props like restraints, needles, impact toys, electrical toys, or cutting tools, the NCSF recommends you pack these in your checked luggage (Traveling with toys, 2011).

It also offers tips on traveling by others means, such as by foot or by public transport, and provides general advice on how to best interact with authorities (Traveling with toys, 2011). 

It provides contact information and links to the Federal Aviation Association webpage, but some of them are now dead links. Readers can get an overview of TSA rules here:https://www.faa.gov/travelers/

The TSA app offers a “Can I bring?” feature so you can confirm what you are allowed to pack in both checked and carry-on baggage. https://www.tsa.gov/mobile 

Factsheet on traveling with lithium batteries: https://www.faa.gov/news/fact_sheets/news_story.cfm?newsId=23054

For Canadians traveling by air: https://travel.gc.ca/air 

BDSM Resources for conducting SM-related research

There are a number of legal BDSM resources available for individuals who are interested in BDSM or who practice BDSM. These can include:

Legal information and advice on BDSM-related topics, such as consent, BDSM contracts, and BDSM and the law. This can be found through organizations that specialize in BDSM legal issues, or through online BDSM resources or forums.

Legal representation for BDSM practitioners who may face discrimination or other legal challenges related to their BDSM activities. This can include lawyers who have expertise in BDSM-related legal issues and are able to provide advice and representation for individuals who need it.

Advocacy and support for BDSM practitioners who face discrimination or other challenges. This can include organizations that work to educate others about BDSM and to reduce stigma and discrimination against BDSM practitioners.

BDSM Resources for BDSM practitioners who are seeking to explore BDSM in a safe and consensual manner, including education and training on BDSM practices and safety. This can include workshops, classes, or online BDSM resources that provide information and guidance on BDSM.

Just because you may have worked out a consensual Master/slave contract, doesn’t mean the law will agree with the terms. Understanding the laws of where you live as they pertain to sex and consent is important if you want to safely practice sadomasochism as a public citizen. 

The NCSF provides an overview of how to best carry out research on whether the SM activities you practice are subject to outdated or restrictive laws. The organization recommends using keyword search terms like  “consent,” “transport,” and “weapon,” rather than culture-specific terms like sado-masochism (Conducting SM related legal research, 2011). 

Frame your search

The two questions are recommended as search queries:

“What types of consensual sexual expression are allowed under state and local laws?” 

“How is consent defined by statutory and case law in the state?” (Conducting SM related legal research, 2011)

Some quick tips

Read the full document on how to search for laws regarding SM practices here: https://ncsfreedom.org/images/stories/pdfs/EOP_Presentations/2011-pressm-legalresearch.pdf 

The last section on “conducting legal research” seems a little weaker than the other sections, maybe buff it up a little more with some extra points on how it could help people or just draw more from the article? Oh the needs or the community? I suppose its already clear that they need it because the law matters, but I don’t know, it just felt like it could use a little more detail or something.

References

Castleman, M. (2012, June 15). A Loving Introduction to BDSM. Psychology Today. 

Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/all-about-sex/201206/

loving-introduction-bdsm

Federal Aviation Association. (2019, March 11). Fact Sheet – Lithium Batteries in 

Baggage. Retrieved from 

https://www.faa.gov/news/fact_sheets/news_story.cfm?newsId=23054

Federal Aviation Association. (208, May 10). Travelers. Retrieved from 

https://www.faa.gov/travelers/

Government of Canada. (2019). Air Travel. Retrieved from https://travel.gc.ca/air

Kolmes, K., Stock, W., & Moser, C. (2006). Investigating bias in psychotherapy with 

BDSM clients. Journal of Homosexuality, 50(2-3), 301-324.

Leung, W. (2016, March 10).  Many ‘abnormal’ sexual tastes are neither rare nor 

unusual, study finds. The Globe and Mail. Retrieved from 

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/valentines-day/most-abnormal-sexual-tastes-are-neither-rare-or-unusual-says-study/article29141804/

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (2011, March) Conducting SM Related Legal 

Research. Retrieved from https://ncsfreedom.org/images/stories/pdfs/

EOP_Presentations/2011-pressm-legalresearch.pdf

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. (2019). Kink-aware Professional Directory. 

Retrieved from https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware

-professionals-directory/search-kap

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Pocket Reference: Dealing with Law 

Enforcement. Retrieved from https://ncsfreedom.org/component/k2/item/592

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (2011, March) Travelling with toys. Retrieved 

From https://ncsfreedom.org/images/stories/pdfs/EOP_

Presentations/2011-prestravelingwithtoys.pdf

Wismeijer, A. A., & Assen, M. A. (2013). Psychological characteristics of BDSM 

practitioners. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(8), 1943-1952.

Wright, S. (2018). “De-Pathologization of Consensual BDSM Journal of Sexual” 

Medicine, 15(5), 622-624.

Transit Security Administration. (2019). MyTSA App. Retrieved from 

https://www.tsa.gov/mobile

Having a fetish is not illegal in and of itself. A fetish is a sexual attraction to a specific object or body part, and is considered to be a normal part of human sexuality. However, if a person’s fetish involves non-consensual activities or causes harm to others, it may be illegal under the laws of a particular country or region. It is important for individuals with fetishes to only engage in activities that are legal and consensual, and to respect the boundaries and consent of others.